The day that followed the worst night's sleep

Last night was a scream away from a night of peaceful rest. I got about 3 zeds when I should have been getting my thousands,I tossed and turned, got up for toilet breaks. Horrible typical sleepless wednesday. Thursday mornings are my early starts so the night before I'm riddled with 'sleeping in' paranoia and kept awake by UIB (unidentified insect bites). I basically lay awake scratching until my thighs were bruised and running through a list of famous serial killers in my head. Blah...however with a bad night came a good day. Perhaps when I'm half asleep and zombie'ing about at work I have the most fluent and interesting conversations with customers.

There is a regular, he is an elderly gentleman who tends to ramble/mumble. Every time he sees me tells me never live in the country when I'm old, because there are no hospitals close, no one to help you when you're in trouble. Death wish.
Today he hobbles in and greets as per usual.. "hello lady, don't live in the country when you're old. Put up your hand."

I proceed, I hold my left hand up to show him.
"Ahh.. good, you got to keep your wings, you need them to fly."

Right on old man, yes.. yes, I pretend like I know what the hell he is going on about and continue to offer him a cold glass of water.

"I wouldn't be offended. If this was back in the day and you were 30 and .. what's your name? Ah.. and you had seven children I would say to you you're a good girl."

Again I had absolutely no clue what he was saying so I just laughed and hoped I'd never have seven children.

"Never say never, but once you hit 40 get yourself a companion. A cat or a dog is good for.."
He begins tapping his forehead with his hand.

"A Doctor once said to me as a young man, you must have a companion it helps with your .."
He taps his head again.
"I had two working class poodles, cats and dogs are good for you."

I couldn't agree more, I've always found the best company in my working class domestic feline friends.
Before this gentlemen left my work place he told me to keep my wings, I need them to fly, I said back to him keep yours too and he replied..
"I'm trying to keep out of an old blokes' home"

Aren't we all, aren't we all.

"All my love, Lil Kim"

I've always been one for obsessions, if I like something I give it my all. I'm loyal to people such as Madonna and Lil' Kim just as I am to my close friends, now this certainly doesn't equant to crazy fan behaviour... I keep things under control. If I say anything that comes across crazy it's probably something I wouldn't go through with as I respect these people too much to annoy or hurt them in any way, so I stay clear of the stalking!
The 14th of Feb is a special day, it was a very special day this year indeed. The date marked the release of Lil' Kim's long coming mixtape Black Friday, the ultimate diss-tape packed full of dissy goodness!! Living up to my freaky girl rep I check the Lil' Kim fan club everyday just as I do my facebook, I waited eagerly for this glorious day to arrive and pretty much watched the mix tape grow..
When tuesday rolled around I rushed home from work with debit card in hand and followed the www.lilkimfanclub.com prompts on my way to ownership.
Like many other die hard fans I was confused, no download link, no follow up confirmation of purchase just $10 less in my bank account.

I contacted the person in charge of sales "rubyk_jones@yahoo.com" which I was certain was Kimmy's ma... and politely questioned when the frick was I gonna receive my flippin' mix tape!!!!!
I skimmed over others' comments and complaints on the fan site and got no answers until a few days later when I googled "Black Friday sales".

RECORD RECORD SALES, the bad bitch made millions in only a few days and shut down paypal!
Of course Kimmy kindly apologized via twitter to her adoring fans who were wondering what the deal was and explained that mix tape couldn't be downloaded but that she would send each person a physical copy of Black Friday and the first 100,000 would be signed!

I almost pissed my hot pants.
Seriously.
So.
Excited.

Just when I was beginning to push the anticipation to the back of my mind (in order to function normally) I got a slip in the mail advising me to pick up registered mail at the P.O. ..but alas it was only a standard envelope which lived a letter typed on Kimmy Blanco Inc stationary...


And it went a little something like this:

February 21,2011

Dear Lorelei ....SURNAME,

Due to the huge response we received from the Lil' Kim-Black Friday Mixtapes, we are experiencing a delay in filling some of the orders. Your order will be sent to you as soon as possible and should be arriving to you within 5-7 business days from this date.
Please accept my apologies for this delay and know I appreciate my team Lil' Kim Army more than anything.
All my love,

*signed*

Lil' Kim a.k.a. Kimmy Blanco

(a.k.a Queen Bee, a.k.a Miss White etc... etc... )



I'm pleased, I will wait patiently and have a Black Friday party in the mean time.
XXX Thanks for existing Kim.
Now I'm going to enjoy my soup's after taste & The Jump Rope on SYN fm.90.7