kelp n scotch

5 or so wigs later & plenty of dreams past I've finally decided to blog again. Yay for my uncle probably the only person who has ever really paid attention but yeah. I forgot to share my dreams from last night with anyone so it's a perfect time to get back on this post pony, I'm not sure if you would exactly classify this as a nightmare or not.. to me my hair turning into kelp tubes and snapping off is terrifying! You know in shampoo ads when they show close ups of damaged hair?! Well my hair was just snapping off and smelling like seaweed, luckily before I hit bald town I was at a bar with a friend about to buy a $200 bottle of scotch. As we purchased it I realised I had work the next morning at 7.30 and couldn't actually stay out and drink it. I woke up feeling shit and sort of needed a scotch/wig all day. So that's me breaking the blog seal.

Boughetto

I've taken time out of my queening & cleaning to write another blog entry (simply distracting myself from intense hunger whilst waiting for my Thai food to be delivered).
Call me immature but in the last few days I've come up with a mini list of my pet hates:

1.Pots left in the sink & filled with water...just sitting their blocking the sink space
2.How they rarely have interracial/homosexual couples in cheesy American teen movies unless it's the centre of the storyline.
3.Putting my doona cover back on my doona

It's just a start, a few things that have pushed my buttons in the last week... ridiculous mundane shit. I also came to the conclusion that I feel completely embarrassed and uncomfortable eating phallic food items in public and/or in front of people that I don't know or don't know very well, well I knew this until I was alone in the staff room at work and still felt weird chomping down on a large carrot. *squiggle mouthed face.
ANyway! I'm off to eat Thai food, drink beer and play wigs!!!

dawgz

For some reason I had moved in with this guy I used to 'see' (don't know what to classify it as) and my friend, it was a constant battle zone between us and a horrific time. One night his mother came round, she had the body of a human but the head of a black pug. She came to our house to drop off this guys siblings for us to babysit over the weekend, all of a sudden there were like 50 dogs running around, all different breeds. It made me so mad, I was yelling at my friend "why the fuck are there all these dogs??!!!" She told me to chill out because they were our housemate's brothers & sisters. In a fit of rage I emailed an old friend about the ridiculous situation, somehow this set off a curse & anyone who the story was repeated to would die of a heart attack at the age of 22 or a multiple of 22.

roots

Hey, I've finally found an excuse to blog and no I'm not about to go into detail of my last dream where I was pulling chicken strips (covered in Napolitana sauce) from my nostrils...I'm going to tell you how I am once again sick at home, lucky for me my housemate is also and I have bleach to re-do my roots! I have to make sure my minimal 'natural' hair matches my hair pieces/extensions and so I can keep pretending I'm a Madonna/Lil'Kim/Gwen Stefani hybrid.
A day like today is also the perfect excuse to play with my wigs and neon eye shadow (and never have to actually put proper clothes on). I recieved some terrific news this morning that finally my magenta wig has arrived at my parents' house after a month of waiting for it so life is pretty pos at the moment.
Now all I need is my health & a good party.
Proudly purchased only two pairs of new sunglasses online which I will impatiently wait for, I'm happy that I stopped myself there and moved onto my hair.
Just letting you in on some life details that are neither funny nor necessarily exciting to read but heck I could be going on about how I have like three imaginary boyfriends and how I distract myself with videos of cats doing tricks!!


Cheerz.x

Ruling the kingdom of....

Procrastination, I'm the queen of it.
I'm coming up with new and exciting ways to get out of cleaning my room. Tonight to avoidi my ever growing pile of clothes and wigs covering my floor I watched Human Centipede which was not a good one to eat dinner after (although I wanted to sing love songs to my delicious Afghan bread), I then after dinner proceeded in dying my menky left over hair extensions in pretty pastel colours. After blow drying my pretty pink, purple and peach extensions I walked back into my room, press play on T-Pain and kid myself into thinking it was room clean time...
I just sat on my bed and plated my extensions.
To end this pointless boring blog entry, does anyone else agree that the surgeon in Human Centigross look like and act like an older version of Chuck Bass from GG? I feel like Mac in season 7 It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. :( Beer on a week night :(
Anyway... here are some pretty pictures, and until my next interesting cheese fueled dream, ciao xx


















P.S. I dedicate this post to Jenna Marbles and her hilarious videos, especially things to do when you're not cleaning your room, my activities are not nearly as hilarious. No noodle punching going on here nor do I have any cute pets to accompany me, just cats on youtube (or talk to my cat on the phone when I call my parents).

Put your lighters up until your acrylics melt!

So I'm sitting here at my parents' house deliriously filing down my acrylic talons in preparation to type this entry despite my heavy head from lack of sleep I NEED TO GET THIS DONE WHILE THE MEMORY IS FRESH!
Last night one of my biggest life dreams came true, as you know (if you know me personally or read my blog) I am obsessed with Lil' Kim beyond the globe and I was itching to see her live anywhere and anyway. There was a great struggle to get the top tickets, after they sold out I had to settle for a back of the arena GA which was obviously no where near close enough to the Queen Bee for me. I fought tooth and nail to get me them Bling Ring tickets, I went the extra mile in a video competition which I won.
I'm damn proud, I was also damn excited to find out that it would be shown in front of a large audience on a huge screen at every show...there for Kim would have to see it at least once!!! This was enough to make me splurt tears of happiness and act like a 14 yr old Justin Beiber fan. Not pretty.
I won't bore you with the crap parts i.e. Not getting my tickets in the mail and having a great deal of trouble on the night at the box office picking them up or.... my video never actually playing at the show as promised or... the disgracefully disrespectful people in the crowd not letting my girl and I get through to the absolute front even though they clearly didn't appreciate Miss White the way we do ( I recall screaming "IT'S THE QUEEN BEE BITCHES, YOU GUYS ARE FUCKED, WHY AREN'T YOU MOVING AND GETTING INTO THIS?? SHOW HER SOME GOD DAMN RESPECT!!!")-Agressive Lorelei at a gig syndrome.
Lil'Kim was incredible, her perfomance was on point. She rapped perfectly without backing tracks but with a live band and had fantastic back up dancers. Not to mention she was in great shape from head to toe, sang Ri Ri's part in her remix of Man Down, Cheatin' and sounded better than Rihanna herself! Her energy was off the chain, she blew my mind and one point looked at me, eye contact was definetly detected! You could imagine how I felt when she said "Where are my Hard Core fans? This one is Biggie's favourite" and continued into Queen Bitch "I am a diamond cluster hustler". She closed with Lighters Up, and naturally I held one up until my acrylic nail melted and my thumb tip was blistered.
There were other acts after her but I felt like what I needed to see was seen and what I wanted was fufilled. My heart was just overwhelmed with love and up most respect. Hands down the best half hour of my entirely life.
Just a funny note, outside the 'stage' area, some dorky guy called out to my friend "Hey Nicki Minaj" which started a small scale grrl riot amongst my crew and caught the security staffs' attention. They walked over and asked if he had offended us in someway, "Yes... what he said was the most disrepectful thing".
Turns out this guy and his friends were causing trouble through out the night and they were willing to kick him out. My friend felt a bit guilty and ran up to him and the security guards.
"You need to respect the Queen Bee and all women" I believe they were her words.
And so should you.
We departed the arena chanting Black Friday and performing an accapella rendition of Big Momma Thang. On that note...
Good evening ladies & gentlemen.

14th under Ri Ri

As you should all know by now, all of the 13 people in the UK who read my blog or whoever, I love Lil' Kim (understatement) and last year was heartbroken when she canceled her show here not once but twice (re-announced and then re-canceled due to Visa issues). Damn our borders and guidelines in Australia for being so strict but it seems Kim has put in the hard yakka to get that working Visa and is headlining for WINTERBEATZ festival next month!!!!!!!! Unfortunately I'm tardi with checking ticket sales and have missed out on the top notch ones, so instead of backing down and going for second best I will whinge and whine my way to getting a VIP or shall I say 'bling ring' standard of ticket.
It's really important that I'm up close as I can possibly be to this woman, she means so much to me... this is why a friend of mine an equally as enthused Kimmy fan suggested we get a hotel room in the ritziest hotel closest to the venue in order to 'bump into' her.
Just like Troy in Community when he meets his idol I'll probably stand there stunned and speechless. It's worth it.

NOW THIS IS WHERE IT GETS REALLY EXCITING: Yesterday I google image searched Lil' Kim green corset to find this picture...


But instead of getting this image of Kim at the 44th Grammy Awards, in between Ri Ri a couple of random Kim snaps and Nicki Minaj rearing her ugly mug ... in 14th place was my face! Fuck! Who's happy? Me.. yes. Tagging every god damn blog entry from now on.
Yours sincerely, Lorelei for team QueenBee!